Relationships: Do We Only Allow People To Treat Us As Bad As We Treat Ourselves?

If one was to come across someone who was in an abusive relationship, they might believe that this person is a victim. And, if this is the case, the person they are with is naturally going to be the perpetrator.

Assistance

One could speak to them about what they go through when they are with their partner, and they could ask them how long it has been going on for. It could then be clear to them that this person needs to end the relationship.

From here, one could suggest that they reach out for external support as this will allow them to change their life. One could leave it at that, or they could end up doing more than just offer their advice.

One Step Further

This could mean that one will offer them somewhere to live if they walk away from their partner, or they could offer to help them financially. Alternatively, they could just put them in touch with the different organisations that can help them.

Either way, it might only be a matter of time before this person is able to put this all behind them and to move forward. At the same time, this might not happen and they could stay with their abusive partner.

A Slightly Different Scenario

One could wonder why this person would stay in a relationship that is having a negative effect on them. They could then continue to do what they can to help them, or they could get to the point where they no longer have the energy to be there for them.

On the other hand, this person could leave their abusive partner and, before long, they could end up with someone who is very similar. If this was to take place, one could find it hard to comprehend how this could happen.

Confusion

To leave an abusive relationship is one thing, and it is another thing altogether to leave one and end up in another. One could begin to think about why this would happen, or they could just believe that this is someone who has no control over their life.

If one does believe that this person has no control over their life, it could also show that they have a similar outlook. Then again, one could believe that they only have control when it comes to certain areas of their life.

One Area

Their career could be seen as something that they have an effect on, but it could be a different story when it comes to their relationships. So, if they do end up with people who treat them badly, it could just show that they are unlucky.

And if they do have this outlook, it could be said that it is going to be much of a surprise. The reason for this is that they probably live in a society that believes that people just happen to end up in abusive relationships.

Two Sides

As a result of this, there are people who are victims and then there are people who are perpetrators. Therefore, if one is treated badly by someone, this person will need to change in order for their life to change.

If this doesn’t happen, they will need another person to come and rescue them. On one level, it could be said that one is a victim, but if they were to take a step back, they may see that there is more to it.

The Reason

During this time, they may begin to see that what is taking place externally is no different to what is taking place within them. Said another way, one may find that they don’t treat themselves very well.

For one thing, they are putting up with someone who is treating them badly – that will be one thing that they can’t overlook. And, if they were to pay attention to how they talk to themselves, they may find that they are their own worst enemy.

A Match

It is then not that one just happens to be treated badly; it is that this is what feels comfortable. Due to how they treat themselves, if they were treated differently it wouldn’t feel right.

Most people are not going to be aware of what is taking place within them, and this is why they would come to the conclusion they are a victim. The same could be said when one sees another person as a victim.

Two Parts

There is going to be what is taking place in their mind and then there is going to be what is going in their body. If one doesn’t speak to themselves in a positive manner and they have negative beliefs, there is a strong chance that they are carrying trauma in their body.

What is taking place in their body is then going to have a big effect on what is taking place in their mind. One way of looking at this would be to say that their body is where the root is and their mind is where the branches are.

Awareness

The best way for them to change what is taking place in their mind will be for them to let go of what is going on in their body. If they are carrying trauma, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected when they were younger.

It might then be a good idea for one to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

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