Relationships: Why Do Some People Stay In Touch With Their Ex?

If one’s relationship has just come to an end, they could decide to cut their ties and to move on with their life. As a result of this, they are not going to want to stay in touch with their ex.

One Step Back

Doing so could be seen as something that will stop them from being able to put the past firmly behind them. And, if one didn’t really get on with the other person or if they simply grew apart, this is going to make perfect sense.

In this case, staying in touch would be similar to keeping a car that no longer works – it wouldn’t make sense. Their time with the other person has come to an end and it will be in their best interest to let go.

A New Beginning

Now that their relationship has come to end, they can focus more of their energy and attention on other areas of their life. They may decide that they want to spend some time in their own company.

Through doing this, it will give them the opportunity to get back in touch with who they are. Alternatively, one might not need to do this, as they might already be only too aware of what their needs are.

External Feedback

The people in their life could understand why they no longer want to speak to the person they were with. If one wasn’t in a relationship that was very healthy, they might be relieved that one is taking this approach.

They would have seen the amount of damage that this was doing to them, and they might have even encouraged them to walk away before. But even if their relationship wasn’t unhealthy, they could still support their decision.

A Pattern

If one was to look back on their life, they may find that this is how they have always behaved. So, no matter what their relationships were like in the past, their behaviour would have been the same.

Then again, one might have held on in the past and came to see that this was not doing them any favours. Their change in behaviour will be the result of an experience or a number of experiences that had a big impact on them.

A Different Approach

But for every person who behaves in this way, there are going to be plenty of others who don’t. When one can relate to this, they are not be able to just walk away; they will need to stay in touch with their ex.

Therefore, once one is no longer in a relationship with someone, they will still be part of their life. One is then not going to want to be too close to them, but they won’t want them to be too far away either.

Two Experiences

If one was in a relationship that wasn’t dysfunctional, it could be said that this kind of behaviour makes sense. But if they didn’t get on, it can be a lot harder to comprehend what is going on.

When it comes to the former, they will probably respect each other and there will be all the positive experiences that they had together, and they might have mutual friends. Yet, when it comes to the latter, there is unlikely to be any respect between them and there will be all the negative experiences that they have shared.

One Factor

What one could find is that staying in touch with their ex makes it easier for them to handle how they feel. This person, as well as their others exes, could provide them with the support that they need to make up for their inner instability.

If they were with someone who was abusive, being this way is going to make it harder for them to cut their ties with someone who is not good for them. Their inner instability will cause them to hold on and it would have been one of the reasons why they ended up with someone like this to begin with.

Another Factor

One’s emotions are going to be out of control and this will make it harder for them to be able to control their behaviour. But while someone who stays in touch with their ex could be emotionally out of control, they could also be emotionally dead.

When this takes place, it is not going to be a way for them to settle themselves down; it will be a way for them to gain resources. Having their ex in their life can allow them to have sex, gain money and receive other benefits.

Two Extremes

The person in the first example probably won’t find it hard to empathise; whereas the person in the second example probably will. Empathy is vital when it comes to being able to treat other people as separate human beings, as opposed to objects that are there to be used.

Ergo, when one sees another person as an object that exists to fulfil their needs, it is going to be a challenge for them to realise that this person also has feelings and needs. And, if they were to get to a point where they no longer need them, they could discard them.

Awareness

If someone does use people, it is unlikely that they would feel the need to change their behaviour. On the other hand, if one feels emotionally unstable, they might look into what they can do to settle themselves down.

Relationships: Why Do Some Women Want To Be Worshipped?

In today’s world, it is relatively easy for a woman receive attention; the only thing that she needs is a social media account. And if one is not enough, then she can join a number of different sites.

A Big Audience

Once she has uploaded a few pictures of herself, it might only be a matter of time before she has a large following. That is something is likely to depend on what she looks like, as her appearance will have a big effect.

If she is classed as being physically attractive or even if she is seen as being relatively attractive, it might not be long until hundreds or even thousands of people are ‘liking’ and commenting on her pictures. What this shows is that it won’t have been necessary for her to achieve anything significant in order to receive attention.

Born Valuable

This is why it has been said that while men are born poor and die rich, women are born rich and die poor – that is when it comes to their sexual market value. Another way of looking at it would be to say that men are human doings and women are human beings.

A lot has been done to try to change this, but a man’s value is often attributed to what he does, and a woman’s value is often attributed to what she looks like. This is then why women are often perceived as having more value than men when they are younger and why it can take a while for a man to be seen as being valuable.

The A Clear Example

The only thing a woman needs is to have good genes and she is likely to be seen as valuable; whereas a man will probably need to work hard and to produce something significant in order to be perceived in the same manner. This is something that stands out on social media.

And when a woman shares pictures online they could just be of her face, or she could share pictures of her body, too. On the one hand, this could be something that she does from time to time, while on the other, she could upload pictures every day.

Identification

It could then be as if this is someone who is obsessed with their appearance, and this is going to relate to their face and their body. But even if this is the case, most of their ‘followers’ are likely to overlook this.

This could mean that this person is a ‘model’, or maybe they work in the porn industry, for instance. Her body might not just be seen as another part of her – it could be seen as who she is.

Constant Feedback

To the majority of men who ‘follow’ her, she is not just going to be a women who is a human being; she will be some kind of goddess. There will be what they would like to do to her and then there will be what they would like to do for her.

And by receiving this kind of feedback, it can cause the women to believe that she is special and better than everyone else. Yet, if she receives hundreds of comments and messages a day, this is not going to be much of a surprise.

One Side

One way of looking at this would be to say that when a man behaves in this manner he is being fuelled by lust. His sexual desire is then what is defining his behaviour, as opposed to him having a real appreciation for the woman.

This doesn’t mean that his emotions are not having an effect, though, as the lust that he experiences could be a way for him to avoid how he feels. Deep down he could feel empty, and this is likely to show that he is out of touch with his own feminine aspect.

Projection

As a result of this, he ends up projecting the parts of himself that he hasn’t realised onto women; this will relate to being loved, supported, and feeling whole, among other things. Through being out of touch with his own feminine aspect, it will cause him believe that he needs to be with a woman to experience these things.

When it comes to a woman who needs so much attention, it would be easy to say that she is just doing this to express herself. Then again, it could also show that she lacks a strong sense of self and doesn’t value herself.

A Deep Hole

Like a bucket with a hole in, it might not matter how much positive feedback she receives as it will never be enough. It is then likely to show that there is something within her that is causing her to feel this way.

Her need to look perfect externally is then a way for her to counteract how flawed she feels on the inside. And if she does look practically perfect on the outside, it is generally going to be a challenge for people to see what is going on.

A Deeper Look

At one point in her life, she may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This could have been during her adult years, or it could go back to what happened when she was younger.

Maybe she was physically or even sexually abused, which would have set her up to experience a lot of shame. It was then not that there was something wrong with the person or people who abused her – it was that there was something inherently wrong with her.

Awareness

The years would then have passed and she would have done everything she could to avoid her true feelings. What this shows is how painful it is to experience toxic shame; it is probably the most painful feeling to experience.

At the same time, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that it is simply a feeling, as it is something that is likely to have penetrated her whole being. If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to work with a therapist or a healer.

 

Relationships: Why Would Someone Act Really Interested?

There could be moments in one’s life when they come into contact with people who don’t act all that interested, whilst there could be others moments when this is not the case. Here, another person could act as though one is the most important person on the planet.

A Gradual Transition

When the former takes place, one could appreciate the attention; then again, it could all depend on who is giving them this amount of attention. If one is attracted to the other person, they might be only too happy for this to continue.

Yet, it might not be long until they start to grow weary of this type of behaviour and just want this person to take a step back. By coming on so strong, it will have gradually caused one to change how they see them.

Smothered

The amount of interest that his person shows will be too much for them and the last thing that they want to experience in life. This could be a sign that one is used to receiving a lot of attention.

As a result of this, they could be more attracted to someone who is more laid back and doesn’t try too hard. To meet someone like this could intrigue them, making them wonder why they are not acting like other people.

A Common Occurrence

So, if one is used to receiving so much attention and this takes place without them needing to do a lot, there is going to be no reason for them to appreciate attention that is given to them so freely. It is going to be no different to all the goodies that are given to famous athletes – it will have become a normal part of their life.

It is then no longer going to stand out; it will just be something that they have become accustomed to. This is then similar to what happens when one takes the same route to work every day, there will be no need for them to be aware of where they are going.

A Different Response

But if one was to go somewhere else, it would be necessary for them to pay attention to where they are going. In the same way, when one is used to receiving so much attention and they meet someone who doesn’t behave in this manner, it can cause them to take notice as opposed to simply switching off and placing them in the same category as every other person who acted in that way.

However, even if one is used to receiving this amount of attention, there life is not always going to be this way. What this mean is that while one could be fed up with the amount of attention they receive at one point in time, they could be desperate for it at another.

Another Factor

Even if one is used to receiving attention, they could still have moments in their life when they feel down. If this was to take place, this type of attention could be far more appealing, and this could cause them to put their discernment to one side.

An Easy Target

The fact that they are receiving attention could be all that matters; thereby they won’t be too concerned about what this person is like. After a little while, they could see that they have made the right decision.

At the same time, they could soon regret spending time with this person. How they came across at the beginning could be radically different to how they now come across as time has passed.

One Reason

When one comes into contact with someone who acts really interested, regardless of if this is something that happens to them on a regular basis, it could show that the other person simply likes them. There is then going to be no ulterior motive or anything that one needs to be aware of.

If one was to take things further with them, they may find that they are a good march. On the other hand, one might gradually see that there is nothing to keep them together and that it would be better for them to go their separate ways.

Suspicious

But even if one is not used to receiving attention from someone and another person was to act really interested, it could still make them step back and think about what is going on. One could think about how they haven’t really done anything to earn this amount of attention.

If one desperately needed attention, it would probably cause them to overlook this and to go along with it. One would then be ruled by their emotions and this would stop them from being able to think straight.

A Deeper Look

When someone acts really interested for no apparent reason, it could show that they are simply trying to avoid themselves. For example, they could feel emotionally empty or down, and see one as some kind of saviour.

One is then going to be seen as an object or an accessory that they can use to change how they feel about themselves. If they feel as though they have been abandoned, for instance, this can cause them to come on strong and, after they get close, they could feel smothered, which will cause them to pull away.

Two Experiences

It is human nature for someone to only appreciate what they have worked for and to place little, if any value, when something is just given to them. If someone has the tendency to act really interested too soon, this might be something that they need to reflect on.

And if one finds it hard to accept this kind of behaviour, and they don’t know why, this might allow them to understand why this kind of behaviour makes them feel uncomfortable.

Awareness

If one usually comes on too strong, and they want to change their behaviour, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Relationships: Do We Only Allow People To Treat Us As Bad As We Treat Ourselves?

If one was to come across someone who was in an abusive relationship, they might believe that this person is a victim. And, if this is the case, the person they are with is naturally going to be the perpetrator.

Assistance

One could speak to them about what they go through when they are with their partner, and they could ask them how long it has been going on for. It could then be clear to them that this person needs to end the relationship.

From here, one could suggest that they reach out for external support as this will allow them to change their life. One could leave it at that, or they could end up doing more than just offer their advice.

One Step Further

This could mean that one will offer them somewhere to live if they walk away from their partner, or they could offer to help them financially. Alternatively, they could just put them in touch with the different organisations that can help them.

Either way, it might only be a matter of time before this person is able to put this all behind them and to move forward. At the same time, this might not happen and they could stay with their abusive partner.

A Slightly Different Scenario

One could wonder why this person would stay in a relationship that is having a negative effect on them. They could then continue to do what they can to help them, or they could get to the point where they no longer have the energy to be there for them.

On the other hand, this person could leave their abusive partner and, before long, they could end up with someone who is very similar. If this was to take place, one could find it hard to comprehend how this could happen.

Confusion

To leave an abusive relationship is one thing, and it is another thing altogether to leave one and end up in another. One could begin to think about why this would happen, or they could just believe that this is someone who has no control over their life.

If one does believe that this person has no control over their life, it could also show that they have a similar outlook. Then again, one could believe that they only have control when it comes to certain areas of their life.

One Area

Their career could be seen as something that they have an effect on, but it could be a different story when it comes to their relationships. So, if they do end up with people who treat them badly, it could just show that they are unlucky.

And if they do have this outlook, it could be said that it is going to be much of a surprise. The reason for this is that they probably live in a society that believes that people just happen to end up in abusive relationships.

Two Sides

As a result of this, there are people who are victims and then there are people who are perpetrators. Therefore, if one is treated badly by someone, this person will need to change in order for their life to change.

If this doesn’t happen, they will need another person to come and rescue them. On one level, it could be said that one is a victim, but if they were to take a step back, they may see that there is more to it.

The Reason

During this time, they may begin to see that what is taking place externally is no different to what is taking place within them. Said another way, one may find that they don’t treat themselves very well.

For one thing, they are putting up with someone who is treating them badly – that will be one thing that they can’t overlook. And, if they were to pay attention to how they talk to themselves, they may find that they are their own worst enemy.

A Match

It is then not that one just happens to be treated badly; it is that this is what feels comfortable. Due to how they treat themselves, if they were treated differently it wouldn’t feel right.

Most people are not going to be aware of what is taking place within them, and this is why they would come to the conclusion they are a victim. The same could be said when one sees another person as a victim.

Two Parts

There is going to be what is taking place in their mind and then there is going to be what is going in their body. If one doesn’t speak to themselves in a positive manner and they have negative beliefs, there is a strong chance that they are carrying trauma in their body.

What is taking place in their body is then going to have a big effect on what is taking place in their mind. One way of looking at this would be to say that their body is where the root is and their mind is where the branches are.

Awareness

The best way for them to change what is taking place in their mind will be for them to let go of what is going on in their body. If they are carrying trauma, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected when they were younger.

It might then be a good idea for one to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include ‘A Dialogue With The Heart’ and ‘Communication Made Easy’.

How to Build Solid Relationships

The whole world is about people and how you bond to them. They will never remember what and how you achieved great things but they will always remember how you made them feel. So be sure to make them feel good most of the time and they will capture your heart. Starting near about you, how do you behave with the people encircling you? Let’s dive into this discussion. Read on to find out.

Starting with your own family, how do you react towards them? Are you pissed off or lighthearted? If you are ill-tempered, you have something to work on. You need to cool down and then start talking to your family members. You need to behave well, especially for your children because they are picking up cues from you all the time. You don’t want them to grow up to ill-tempered and non-sensible adults.

After getting out of your home, you will meet the doorman and probably the gardener. Say hello to them cheerfully and smile. Immediately you bond a relationship with them – that also a meaningful and promising one.

When you go to the supermarket, you will probably meet some known or unknown faces. Smile and talk cheerfully, draw up on your credit card and pull the cart away to avoid chaos. If you meet friends there, be sure to strike a lovely, short conversation and be back home or some other place on your agenda.

Wherever you meet people, make eye contact and smile. They will smile back and you will bond together positively.

As for me, I frequently visit confectionery, stationery and pharmacy shops near my home. All the people in there have come to know me. I am always cheerful and have bonded positively with them. So they take care to hand over their best products and never cheat on me. So bonding with the people you see every day has an upside.

I recently visited my aunt who lives a long distance away from our home. Last time I visited her, we struck a lively and jolly conversation. At the end she handed me a big deep blue decorative bag as a gift which I still use today for grocery shopping. Presently when I visited her, I gave her a bangles set bought from U.S and she loved them. All her three daughters are staying abroad and so when I visit her, I fill up some space in her heart and she treats me like her daughter.

There are examples of people like this everywhere in our lives. We just need to know how to connect to them positively. You never know who you will come to need in a time of crisis or danger. So remember to smile at people and bond gracefully and above all, make them feel good in a way they will love and remember you.

Navigating Challenging Relationships Over the Holidays

The holidays are rapidly approaching and can be a time of joy and a chance to reconnect with family and friends. But for many it can also be a time of stress due to strained relationships, unhappy memories of the past, too much to do and not enough time to rest. In addition, there can also the feelings of disappointment or failure stemming from the expectation that our holidays should be “perfect” like those seen in movies, commercials and social media. Unfortunately, many families and friends are also experiencing strained relationships over the increasing polarization of views in the country today. The good news is there are several tools we can use to manage the holidays and difficult relationships this year.

Awareness is first!

Before the holidays begin, take time to think about what you would like to be different this year. Before we can plan, we need to become aware of what our goal is, so we can set up a way to work toward it. Be as specific as possible and list what you would ideally like from your relationships. The list can also include what you do not want to happen. As you make these lists, tune into how your mind and body are reacting. If thinking about visiting your in-laws makes your neck stiffen or if going to see your Aunt Jane makes you feel excited, write that down as well. Noticing cues can help us create a plan that will increase our enjoyment of the season.

Become curious about your reactions.

Now that you have made your list, become curious about what the positives and negatives are in the relationships you have examined. Asking yourself questions like “what exactly causes my neck to stiffen when think of visiting my in-laws?” can help with planning how to do something different. Tune into your feelings and notice what arises. Maybe you feel judged or criticized or maybe just disappointed because you have different expectations than those you are with at the time. Do certain people trigger negative reactions? Noticing will help you understand your unmet needs and negative feelings.

Examine your list and begin to plan.

By examining the lists, we can begin to challenge our assumptions. This will give us information about just how important things are and if we are doing them because we feel we “should” or because we want to do them. It can also help us to see what we value and how we can use our values to help us navigate tricky situations. If we feel physically ill when we visit certain people or filled with dread before going, is it necessary that we go. What would happen if we did not? If we feel we must go, is there a way we could do it differently? For example, is instead of going to a three-hour dinner at Aunt Jane’s while trying to manage your 2-year-old or getting drawn into a political debate, maybe we could stop in before dinner for a drink or go by for dessert. Good boundaries are essential for keeping relationships positive.

Plan for challenging situations! If we must visit people who we know will be challenging, consider using these strategies:

  • Plan to get plenty of rest before you go. When we are depleted it is harder to deal with difficult people. Even taking 5 minutes to rest in your car can be helpful.
  • Have an exit strategy when you have had enough and use it when you need to. Even if it is to go in another room and wash dishes it is better than remaining in a situation where you feel triggered.
  • Take a breathing break. Head into a quiet place and take 10 breaths. Allowing for this pause will help us respond instead of reacting in a habitual way.
  • Assume positive intention in others. Many misunderstandings start when we assume the other party has a negative intention. If they do, stay calm and respond in a kind but firm way that you are uncomfortable with their comment.
  • Model positive behavior. Steer clear of gossip, judgements and strong “my way or the highway” opinions to keep the interaction positive.